I’m never going to stop wondering why you left me for her.. Why I’m crazy.. Why I don’t deserve happiness.. Why you just didn’t want me.. but then again I understand.. I wouldn’t want me either.

Today, in Tennessee, in an attempt to take photos, I found myself at the center of this bridge..and seriously and I mean very seriously considered taking the two seconds to jump, which according to wikipedia is about 1572 feet off the ground.. and no water underneath, just pavement and fields. I felt all of my hopelessness and impulsivity jump out at once.. needless to say I didn’t.. and I really don’t know why.. I just didn’t want to die right then and there.. But part of me knew that had I jumped, It would be alright. The world wouldn’t be shaken.. Something changed however.. when we got to the end of the bridge, there was a sign offering a number to those who were suicidal and came to the bridge to live their final moments.. and it hit me.. not that I was about to call it, but that other people consider suicide every moment.. every day. Every 40 seconds a suicide is committed. I will always be wondering if and when I will be one of those 40 seconds.